April 2011
1 post
We're Sorry We Are Leaving Tumblr
We want to apologize to BP for having one less place people can apologize to them. We’re shutting down our tumblr blog and moving all apologizing directly to facebook.
So head over to http://facebook.com/imsorrybp to do all the apologizing you like.
Apologies and stuff.
March 2011
2 posts
I'm terribly sorry, BP
As I look back upon the past 11 months, I realize that I have a lot to be sorry for.
I was completely absorbed by how this oil spill was going to affect the coastal residents (both human and wildlife/animal) and future generations.
I humbly beg your forgiveness for the following faux pas:
1. Little did I realize that lying down on the oily beach would save me a lot of time applying...
Anonymous asked: Your facebook page has just been hit by a bunch of BP of America facebook trolls. Best thing to do is to block them. Here is partial list (there are hundreds of them) but these are all active: Jan Long, Rona Smith, Lee Zinter, Nan Ellis, Cairean Day, Joy Baker Burk, Liz Gartland, Ken Smith, Trixie Bumstead, John Deeretractor, W. Scott Alley, Mary Davis, Paul Sweeney, Craven Moorehead, Wayne...
July 2010
14 posts
The Cup is Half Full
My fishing charter business is really doing well because all those well financed folks who used to fish in the northern Gulf are now here fishing with me. My days are a little bit longer and a little bit tougher now because a couple of thousand extra customers a day is quite a load. But really, what you did to lower gulf property values and poison the air and the water while establishing a...
2 tags
Mask the Regret
I’m sorry, BP, that I brought safety equipment and resperators to work cleanup even after you told me not to. My bad.
Submitted by Aaron on our Facebook Page.
5 tags
Sincerest Apology
Dear BP,
Allow me to be forthright in sending my sincerest apology to you and yours. I’m am so deeply sorry that we, the U.S., have once again been so clumsy and frankly, brash in our decision to put our coastal territory so close to your great big natural disaster. It’s a real shame when Continents have to get in the way of Negligence. Nay, but we are the negligent ones! If only we...
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Long Apology
Editors Note: This one is a doozy, its loooong. So make sure to click Read More to read the whole thing.
We didn’t mean to inflict this little boo boo on you. I mean, I know $20 billion is just a tiny drop of your blood and all, but it was just so not thoughtful of us to take ANY of your blood. After all, we prefer to swim in oil, so we should be grateful to you for opening up the tap...
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Prehistoric Apology
Hey, BP, my parakeet wanted me to tell you he’s really sorry his great great great etc. great grandparents, who were dinosaurs, were thoughtless enough to die and turn into oil. If they’d been more responsible none of this would have happened. I have scolded my parakeet for his ancestors’ behavior and sent him to his room without supper, and he’s going to save up $20...
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Pedal to the Apology
I deeply regret biking.
I wish I had driven and used BP brand gasoline so that you and your executives wouldn’t have to sacrifice your hard-earned bonuses in order to pay struggling fishermen.
Submitted by SteveR
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Eternal Apologies
BP, When I said I wanted you to rot in hell for all eternity, I really meant I wanted you to burn in hell for all eternity. I deeply apologize for the confusion.
Submitted by Rich
2 tags
“An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman,...”
– Steve Martin as submitted by Joe
Editor’s Note: Ignore Steve Martin.
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Digestive Apology
Dear BP,
I apologize for that one time that I had eaten more Taco Bell than I knew I could handle. Unfortunately, I had to take my burrito-fueled fury out on one of your station’s restrooms.
In hindsight, I completely relate to your current situation as I did what you are now doing to the gulf coast.
Would you “crap” on me for my situation in your restroom? I think not!
...
4 tags
Eloquent Apology
…Whereas I HAD been full of blind rage; this site has helped me see that, Theres 2 sides of the story; and so; as long as you’re sorry for the spill, and it truly was an accident; THEN I’m sorry too for boycotting you, and talking mad cashed shit about you behind your back.. Tell ya what, 1st thing tommorow, I’ll go filler up with premium (@ Citgo) lol. Nall, I’m...
4 tags
Brief Pelican Apology
Editor’s Note: This one is a tough one to call. I’ve always thought of Pelicans as a very selfless species, but at the same time, I’m not sure how many of them have internet access. So this one could be a fake apology.
Dear BP: it’s us, the pelicans. We know you need our feathered bodies to mop up the spill, but our species is running low. We’re so sorry...
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Walking Toward Regret
Gosh to think I tried to save the planet by not driving as much and walking more. I did not realize it caused you to cut back on safety measures and maybe your profit. I am really sorry.
3 tags
Apology Readiness Plan
Dear BP,
I would like to apologize for not sharing my hurricane readiness plan with you. You see, everyone who runs a business or who lives on the Gulf Coast, has a hurricane readiness plan. Businesses have specific plans for protecting office equipment, automobiles, windows, etc. Residents have their personal plans, with evacuation lists that assure things like treasured photos and...
June 2010
129 posts
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Apology with a Porpoise
Dear BP,
I’m sorry that fish can now build all kinds of aquatic vehicles that run on your oil and you won’t make a cent on it. But it’s not all bad, you get to experience the warm fuzzies every time you see a porpoise on a jet-ski.
Submitted by Annette
6 tags
Désolé pour le bébé tortue gay français du pétrol
I’m sorry I flinched at pictures of oil-soaked baby turtles — that was French and gay and socialistical of me.
Submitted by Connelly
3 tags
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Disingenuous Wednesday
Thanks to TreeHugger for sending us some apologetic souls. I’m glad TreeHugger understands that BP has feelings too. We should warn you that we are not looking for fake, disingenuous apologies, but really, letters from the heart, letting BP know about the things you did to hurt them. Did you leave the iron on? Did you get them fired, accidentally? Let it all out.
If you want to know what...
4 tags
Tired of Regret
Dear BP, I am so sorry I forgot I promised to take you to the airport. I heard my phone ringing, but I was sleeping, and I just NOW found your message. I know you were just getting your life back, and this vacation was SOOO what you needed.
I guess you missed your plane, and I know you’re mad, but when you DO get to the beach, I know you will just so totally relax and forget about all...
2 tags
Sunny Apology
Dear BP,
I’m sorry I ever thought that the glimmering sun off of the sparkling blue ocean water was a good way to work on my summer tan. I now know that oil is a much more effective way to get dark.
Thank you for showing me the error of my ways.
Sincerely,
Beach Bunny
3 tags
“I’m Sorry, BP, that people keep referring to the Exxon Valdez spill in...”
– @oenolicious
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Bad Parenting
I’m sorry everyone is labeling you as the dirty kid, BP. It’s not your fault. Your parents should have taught you better hygiene.
Submitted by Megan
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“Dear BP, This isn’t working out. Remember in 4th grade science class (I...”
– Submitted by Audrey on our Facebook Page
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Evolutionary Regret
BP, it’s Mother Nature. I’m so very sorry I did not adequately design my marine bird, fish, and mammal species to evolve to the point that they could adapt to oily environments. I’ll try harder next time. Nobody’s perfect.
Submitted by Mayumi
3 tags
I'll pick up some 2-ply on the way home.
BP, Baby? I’m sorry I left roll empty this morning… I know, I know you got a big mess to clean up but I was in a rush…. Honey, calm down, I know I leave the seat up someti….. Ok, ok I’ll go to the store on my way home and……. yes not the store brand. But hon… hon… Ok. Ok. I love you. Yes. Ok. Bye. *click* ….
Submitted by Joe
2 tags
Let the Record Show...
BP, Sorry we made your guy sit through speeches by those gasbags in Congress. We hate them, too, if it makes you feel any better.
Submitted by Mike
2 tags
Delicious Shame
BP, you know that time you got all upset because someone ate your lunch out of the fridge even though it was clearly marked “BP’s lunch Don’t EAT!” And you know how you asked me if I saw who ate it, since I was sitting in the lunch room. And you know how I said I didn’t know who ate it. Yeah, well…it was me. I ate your lunch. And I apologize.
Submitted by...
6 tags
While you were on vacation...
Remember how I promised I would check on your house, water your garden and feed your cats while you were away overseas for a month? Well, sorry. I kinda forgot all about it. Sorry!
Submitted by Mark
3 tags
Ice Cold
BP, I’m sorry I put the ice cube tray back in the freezer with only one ice cube left in it. I know you hate that. I know you have a lot on your mind. I was just being lazy, and now you have to drink warm water.
Submitted by Becca
7 tags
I know it's got to be rough, and, for our part,...
BP, We’re sorry your oil slick and black tar balls contrast so embarrassingly with our pristine, powdery, white sand beaches.
We regret any embarrassment caused by our oil soaked birds and marine life, our embarrassing pelicans and estuaries.
We should have allowed you to drill closer to shore. I think that’s where we went wrong. Good luck, BP. Keep looking for that silver lining!
Love...
1 tag
Disingenuous Saturday
OMG, mean people. Stop sending us hate mail for BP. I will not let you hurt BP’s feelings. I’m sorry, BP, that I am posting these, but people need to know how not to apologize! Below the fold, “read more” to see all the ways you shouldn’t apologize to BP, unless you are all dead inside and mean and stuff.
I don’t care about you by Heartless
Hey, sorry I don’t care about you more. I mean...
Beyond Apologetic
I’m sorry that your “Beyond Petroleum” campaign has been impacted by the negative coverage of the unavoidable incident in the Gulf of Mexico. Those of us who know that your primary focus is renewable energy are truly disappointed by the reaction of the press and the federal government, and I would personally like to extend my apology for all of them.
Submitted by John
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Stupid birds
Dear BP,
Stupid birds! Hello, pelicans!? You have wings! Fly AWAY from the oil! Sorry, BP.
Submitted by Robert
2 tags
“My Dearest BP,
I’m sorry I ate crackers in bed. Also we have bed bugs....”
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WatchEditors Note: American Hero Andrew Napolitano sticks it to Fox News and their Blame BP First Socialist Ideas. Shep Smith clearly is a communist. Hasn’t BP had enough abuse without the liberal media elite at Fox News bashing them too?
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Not Cool
BP, I’m so sorry for dropping that turd in your punch-bowl. At the time, it seemed only fair.
3 tags
A culinary apology
I’m sorry, BP, that we have failed to appreciate your innovative new way of delivering blackened shrimp to the unappreciative public. Just catch, light, and eat … it’s that simple! Why do so many people not see that?
submitted by WisconsinEric
5 tags
Stealing the Beautiful Plumage
I’m sorry, BP, that our fish are drinking your oil and our birds are callously stealing it for their plumage without paying $3 a gallon. I’m sorry we uncultured Americans can’t see that the loss of beautiful beaches and wildlife is really just a transformation into a uniform brown gunky-deathy-lethaly beauty, just as magnificent; and that all of those eco-social parasites who...
3 tags
Beady Eyes and Flappy Heads
It’s so unfair you getting all that stick, BP.
Canada has been polluting water in the tar sands for years and never a bad word against them.
Submitted by Tom
1 tag
Disingenuous Thursday
Another day, another set of apologies that were clearly meant to trick me into posting them, even though they weren’t genuine. YOU HATERS CANT FOOL ME. I will not let you hurt BP’s feelings. I’m sorry, BP, that I am posting these, but people need to know how not to apologize! Below the fold, “read more” to see all the ways you shouldn’t apologize to BP, unless you are all dead...
1 tag
