“An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.” —
Steve Martin as submitted by Joe
Editor’s Note: Ignore Steve Martin.
Dear BP,
I apologize for that one time that I had eaten more Taco Bell than I knew I could handle. Unfortunately, I had to take my burrito-fueled fury out on one of your station’s restrooms.
In hindsight, I completely relate to your current situation as I did what you are now doing to the gulf coast.
Would you “crap” on me for my situation in your restroom? I think not!
It’s insensitive for everyone to criticize you for your off-shore indigestion!
Submitted by Joe
…Whereas I HAD been full of blind rage; this site has helped me see that, Theres 2 sides of the story; and so; as long as you’re sorry for the spill, and it truly was an accident; THEN I’m sorry too for boycotting you, and talking mad cashed shit about you behind your back.. Tell ya what, 1st thing tommorow, I’ll go filler up with premium (@ Citgo) lol. Nall, I’m kidden. Seriously it is f’d up I do apologize.
Editor’s Note: This one is a tough one to call. I’ve always thought of Pelicans as a very selfless species, but at the same time, I’m not sure how many of them have internet access. So this one could be a fake apology.
Dear BP: it’s us, the pelicans. We know you need our feathered bodies to mop up the spill, but our species is running low. We’re so sorry there’s no more of us to die so that you can buy that new jet.
[video]
Gosh to think I tried to save the planet by not driving as much and walking more. I did not realize it caused you to cut back on safety measures and maybe your profit. I am really sorry.
Dear BP,
I would like to apologize for not sharing my hurricane readiness plan with you. You see, everyone who runs a business or who lives on the Gulf Coast, has a hurricane readiness plan. Businesses have specific plans for protecting office equipment, automobiles, windows, etc. Residents have their personal plans, with evacuation lists that assure things like treasured photos and grandmother’s silver tea service are carefully packed and loaded in the family vehicles when the evacuation order is announced. We have a plan for our animals (dogs, cats, fish, WALRUSES, etc.) in order to prevent death or injury to our beloved pets. Apparently multi-billion dollar oil companies who drill in deep waters off our once-pristine beaches have no such plans. Forgive me for assuming a multi-billion dollar corporation would have a plan for hurricane preparedness when they drill in the waters that are repeatedly assaulted by deadly tropical storms. My bad!!!
Submitted by Karen on our facebook page.
Dear BP,
I’m sorry no one ever bought you the wind turbine Lego set when you were younger.
Love,
Zoë Caron
President, Sierra Club Canada, Author of Global Warming for Dummies, Lego Fan
Editor’s Note: The Sierra Club has been somewhat mean to BP lately, so I’m glad they are taking the time to make BP feel better. Triumph is just trying with a little umph.
Dear BP,
I’m sorry that fish can now build all kinds of aquatic vehicles that run on your oil and you won’t make a cent on it. But it’s not all bad, you get to experience the warm fuzzies every time you see a porpoise on a jet-ski.
Submitted by Annette
I’m sorry I flinched at pictures of oil-soaked baby turtles — that was French and gay and socialistical of me.
Submitted by Connelly