Disingenuous Thursday
Another day, another set of apologies that were clearly meant to trick me into posting them, even though they weren’t genuine. YOU HATERS CANT FOOL ME. I will not let you hurt BP’s feelings. I’m sorry, BP, that I am posting these, but people need to know how not to apologize! Below the fold, “read more” to see all the ways you shouldn’t apologize to BP, unless you are all dead inside and mean and stuff. By the way, today’s examples are NSFW. If you have sensitive eyes, avert them!
I’m sorry BP…
That your company is such an evil piece of shit.
Submitted by Charlie
I am so sorry that you’re a bunch of assholes
Thanks to you and your ilk in the oil industry, probably the earth is going to be uninhabitable in another 50 years. But you’re living well now, yes? That’s what’s important. Coke up your noses and whores on your cocks. Jolly good play, gentlemen. You’re all old, so by the time civilization splits apart at the seams, you’ll be dead.
But it’s OK, because YOU had great lives. Just exemplary, really.
Tally Ho!
Submitted by All Future Generations
A Bowl of Genitalia For Your Perusal
Dear BP,
I’m sorry that my hometown, Pensacola, got in the way of your oil spill. I mean, what’s 450 years of history and beach culture, compared to your vital need to dig up liquified dinosaur bones and use them to power your Learjets?
It’s a shame that our bourgeois concern for our property and pinko desire to not watch dolphins die has blinded us to the real victims—you.
I’m also sorry that I can’t bring myself to visit you and apologize in person. I would not do well in jail. And here I’d made you this nice bowl of dicks to choke on.
Submitted by Victoria, in our comment threads
