You should submit your apology to BP. You can submit videos, photos, quotes, whatever you want, as long as you apologize for the thing you did to BP. Did you eat all BP's cheetos? Did you forget to fill up their tank the last time you borrowed their car? Let it all out. Make amends. Say you are sorry.
Rep. Joe Burton is right. BP deserves better than the horrible treatment they've gotten from America. The GOP is ashamed of America, and you should be to. All BP did was try to bring us delicious crude oil with which we could drive our SUVs. They made tremendous sacrifices. And what did they get out of the deal? Just a little profit, which they could now LOSE thanks to mean America holding them accountable. This year they could make over 25% less billions in profits, thanks to America's socialist agenda.
The best America is one that privatizes profits and socializes losses. So Apologize to BP.
Background and logo courtesy of @ImSorryBP. Other things you should read so you can think about what you didJoe Barton Would Like to Apologize
Editor’s Note: This one is a tough one to call. I’ve always thought of Pelicans as a very selfless species, but at the same time, I’m not sure how many of them have internet access. So this one could be a fake apology.
Dear BP: it’s us, the pelicans. We know you need our feathered bodies to mop up the spill, but our species is running low. We’re so sorry there’s no more of us to die so that you can buy that new jet.
Dear BP,
I would like to apologize for not sharing my hurricane readiness plan with you. You see, everyone who runs a business or who lives on the Gulf Coast, has a hurricane readiness plan. Businesses have specific plans for protecting office equipment, automobiles, windows, etc. Residents have their personal plans, with evacuation lists that assure things like treasured photos and grandmother’s silver tea service are carefully packed and loaded in the family vehicles when the evacuation order is announced. We have a plan for our animals (dogs, cats, fish, WALRUSES, etc.) in order to prevent death or injury to our beloved pets. Apparently multi-billion dollar oil companies who drill in deep waters off our once-pristine beaches have no such plans. Forgive me for assuming a multi-billion dollar corporation would have a plan for hurricane preparedness when they drill in the waters that are repeatedly assaulted by deadly tropical storms. My bad!!!
Submitted by Karen on our facebook page.
Dear BP,
I’m sorry that fish can now build all kinds of aquatic vehicles that run on your oil and you won’t make a cent on it. But it’s not all bad, you get to experience the warm fuzzies every time you see a porpoise on a jet-ski.
Submitted by Annette
I’m sorry BP for not realizing how much easier you’ve made it to count the Brown Pelicans in the gulf. I mean before they would all, you know, like, fly away, so how could we be sure we weren’t counting the same birds twice? SO much easier now. One dead Pelican, two dead Pelicans …..
Submitted by Kathie
BP, it’s Mother Nature. I’m so very sorry I did not adequately design my marine bird, fish, and mammal species to evolve to the point that they could adapt to oily environments. I’ll try harder next time. Nobody’s perfect.
Submitted by Mayumi
Remember how I promised I would check on your house, water your garden and feed your cats while you were away overseas for a month? Well, sorry. I kinda forgot all about it. Sorry!
Submitted by Mark
I’m sorry, BP, that we have failed to appreciate your innovative new way of delivering blackened shrimp to the unappreciative public. Just catch, light, and eat … it’s that simple! Why do so many people not see that?
submitted by WisconsinEricI’m sorry, BP, that our fish are drinking your oil and our birds are callously stealing it for their plumage without paying $3 a gallon. I’m sorry we uncultured Americans can’t see that the loss of beautiful beaches and wildlife is really just a transformation into a uniform brown gunky-deathy-lethaly beauty, just as magnificent; and that all of those eco-social parasites who fished and lived on the gulf aren’t paying you royalties after you generously added petrochemicals to the rich mix that had made the gulf what it was.
Submitted by Ev
I am sorry BP that the world seems to be so hung up and solely focusing on one little itty bitty percentage of the world’s overall gulf, sea and ocean waters.
There are approximately 326 trillion million gallons of ocean water and your company has only spilled an estimated 108 million gallons of oil into the gulf water. If you look at it logically, that’s just a drop in the ocean. It’s not like we can drink salt water anyways.
As for any animals and ecosystems that might get caught up in your little spill, I only have four words for them —- Survival of the fittest. Thanks BP for shoving a little Darwinism down the throat of the gulf’s flora and fauna. They should be using this little object lesson to speed along the evolution, and adaptation, of their survival skills.
Submitted by Al
Dear BP,
I am so sorry! I didn’t realize just how smoothly the pelicans would fly once their wings were properly lubricated. You were right, and I was wrong to doubt you.
Sumibitted by MichaelC
