You Should Totally Apologize to BP on Facebook

Sincerest Apology

Dear BP,

Allow me to be forthright in sending my sincerest apology to you and yours. I’m am so deeply sorry that we, the U.S., have once again been so clumsy and frankly, brash in our decision to put our coastal territory so close to your great big natural disaster. It’s a real shame when Continents have to get in the way of Negligence. Nay, but we are the negligent ones! If only we had thought a little harder and not placed so much of our coast line near your crap derricks, we wouldn’t be sitting here with Pelican Egg on our faces. If I may be metaphoric: right now, so many of us are feeling just like little shrimp covered in a deep, black shame for what we’re doing to you. Maybe it’s not the best metaphor, but you see our anguish.

However we can help to make this right, please let us know. Your costs must be enormous, not even to mention the mental anguish you must be suffering just seeing all of your profits just washing up on our beaches. We are here for you, you are not alone in this.

Our Apologies.

Submitted by McGair

A culinary apology

I’m sorry, BP, that we have failed to appreciate your innovative new way of delivering blackened shrimp to the unappreciative public.  Just catch, light, and eat … it’s that simple!  Why do so many people not see that?

Sea of Contrition

Dear BP,
Thanks again for inviting me to the yachting excursion this last weekend. I’m so very sorry I ate up all of your delicious shrimp during the preliminary revelry on Friday. The staff did indicate it was the last of the Gulf shrimp but I didn’t realize that it would be the last of the Gulf shrimp in my lifetime. Jumbo mea culpa on that score. Fabulous cocktail sauce, BTW!
     Saturday was certainly the high point, breezing ‘round the Isle of Wight in your yacht “Bob.” I must apologize again for turning the main cabin into something of a vomitorium. A confluence of high seas and Frutti di Mare apparently got the better of me. Your crack crew seemed to be making progress with the cleanup, though I did detect a hint of acerbity in their demeanor. Too bad about the 4th place finish but that’s just wind power for you, so fickle. Still, it must have been a bit of a blow to someone whose name is virtually synonymous with second best. C’est tres domage.
     So-o-o sorry about using up the last rolls of toilet paper on Sunday, too. All that rich food and Dom Pérignon gushed through me quite uncontrollably. Fortunately that snappy green pennant of yours proved to be an excellent substitute. Any port in a storm, as they say. It wasn’t nearly as stain resistant as I had hoped, though. Since the staff are still preoccupied with sanitizing the cabin, I suggest that you replace it rather than having it laundered. May I recommend: http://www.newtonnewtonflags.com/corporate-flag-bp.htm
     Deeply sorry for any inconvenience. Please do convey my contrition to the small people, just to pour a little oil on troubled waters (as it were).
-Ta ta ‘till next year!!

Submitted by David